Violence

BIRI 2013 #2: A Beautiful Marsupial Afternoon by C.A. Conrad


Books I Read In 2013
#2

A Beautiful Marsupial Afternoon
C.A. Conrad
Wave Books
2012

(This is a book of C.A. Conrad's (Soma)tic Exercises with the poems he wrote after doing the exercises. I read the book and got increasingly enthused and ended up writing an exercise in tribute. Here it is.) 


THE DEER AND DAISIES

"the / deer and / daisies are / not why it's / remembered"
- C.A. Conrad

Exercise: Find a site of dehumanization and trauma or violence or warfare. It can be something recent or something in the more distant past. Something close by or something you have to travel to. Terrorist attack. Drug violence. Perhaps a murder site. Perhaps a battle site nearby. Perhaps your own home. The thing is you should know right where it happened. Or have a good idea of right where it occured. You are going to go there.

As C.A. Conrad says, "The exercises are designed to fling us OUT OF our routines. Routine is what puts a cap on the imagination. [...] So the exercises give EVERYONE—no matter who—the frame to bust out of that routine, if only for a little while. The exercises get us to deliberately engage the world in unexpected ways."

Sit down in a spot where you can feel comfortable. First record the sounds of that particular place for a while. Like a few minutes. Or ten minutes. All the while take your notes. Just notes and notes. Think about what happened, but don't write about it. Feel your body in the space. Feel the fear of something bad happening to you in that same place.  Was the site a place where recent violence happened? Are you afraid something could happen to your body? Think about the ghosts that might run through that place, afraid. If you feel afraid in the space, write in that fear. If you don't feel the fear, then write in the feelings that you do have. Write what you see, what you observe, what you feel, taste, smell. Write down all of that. Try to make your writing of these notes match the rhythm of the scene, write notes with the same rhythm of the noise around you. Don't turn away from that noise. Stop and deeply listen to it. Let the writing of notes flow out of the scene in front of you. Don't feel bad about the writing not being good. Don't stress yourself in that way. Just write what you are able to write in that particular moment. Let the writing occur without getting in its way too much. There is a poem in there somewhere. Try to tease it out later.

This process of teasing out can be dicey. As C.A. Conrad says in an interview at the end of the book: "In shaping the poems there are often lines that jump out and present themselves as lines for the poem, yes, but very often lines present ways to entire new structures that were not even considered at the time of doing the exercise. Trusting the notes. Trusting too that at the time of carrying the notes around to form the poem is its own kind of exercise, BEING in the world with the notes. Does that make sense?"

If you lose hope, here is another quote from C.A.: "But WHY DO THIS? Because the world is beautiful, and I'm here, knowing its beautiful, and I'm tired of some people having money to BREATHE while others suffer. Suffering is a big part of what I look to for guidance. Suffering and love. Resistance is most urgent. Resitance is the real magic. As you soon as you set yourself down thte path of NOT being agreeable to the directives of others your poetry becomes THAT LIFE! It becomes YOUR POEMS, YOUR LIFE!"

And remember: "I never want to be anything but a student of this world who travels with other students, anxious, disturbed, always eager to imagine yet another kind of handle on the door."

It's not a Drug War, it's another Dirty War.


Over the last few years, whenever I return to the U.S. from Mexico, the questions begin: isn't it dangerous? Aren't you afraid to go there? Recently, most people in the U.S. have come to equate Mexico with violence, especially when it comes to the gritty, industrial cities in the North where I've spent most of my time. I've struggled for some years to figure out how to talk about the current violence in Mexico - the tens of thousands of people who have lost their lives since Felipe Calderón came to power in 2006.  I've talked about my difficulties with telling these stories here on the blog before.

A little background: over the last fifteen years, I've been going back and forth to Mexico, first in 1997 on a trip to Chiapas to do human rights observation work and then in 1998 to lead a student delegation of fifteen to the same state. In 2001, I went back again but this time to visit a guy I'd been seeing in Monterrey. That time, for Thanksgiving, I took the bus down and spent 10 days tooling around industrial Monterrey, a very different Mexico then I'd ever seen before. It wasn't exotic, it wasn't totally foreign, it felt as much like home as Houston did at the time. Even thought things with the guy didn't work out, I did love the North, especially because it was so close by and so easy to get to on the bus from Houston.

And the love grew. In 2004, I lived for a year in Tampico, the city where my partner was born. In 2006, I lived for a summer in Tijuana doing a writing workshop.  In 2008, I went for six months to work at the International Book Fair in Monterrey. From 2009-2011, I lived in Tijuana, crossing several days a week into San Diego to work and study at the University of California. For all of these last eleven years, I've been going back and forth pretty constantly⎯to Monterrey, Tijuana, Tampico, Juárez, Chihuahua, Hermosillo, Mexico City, Querétaro, Reynosa, Matamoros and more. Usually I'm on the bus or driving so I'm passing through a lot of towns and ranchos along the way. And of course, Houston or San Diego is not so far from the border⎯Aztlán is alive and kicking in all kinds of new 2012 ways.

So how to talk about this violence in a place I love so much?  A place⎯the North⎯that I think of as part of a larger region on both sides of the border.  A region that, more than any place in the world, feels like home to me.

I don't want to be silent about the violence, but it can be hard to speak clearly about what's going on. In a recent book called To Die in Mexico, John Gibler points to the existence of a particular brand of silence, what he calls narco-silence: "For drug war silence is not the mere absence of talking, but rather the practice of not saying anything. You may talk as much as you like, as long as you avoid the facts. Newspaper headlines announce the daily death toll, but the articles will not tell you anything about who the dead were, who might have killed them or why. Not detailed descriptions based on witness testimony. No investigation."

This silence means that it is inordinately hard for anyone, Mexican or foreign, to fully explain what is going on, to get clarity or to provide a larger context.  And many accounts from the U.S. (even in leading newspapers like the NY Times) are just horrible⎯written by journalists who parachute in and then attempt to sum up the situation while getting most everything wrong, oversimplifying, generalizing or writing scandal-based work that doesn't go deep.

Well, today I stumbled on an article in Harper's by Cecilia Balli about the violence in Mexico and specifically about the corruption, torture and human rights abuses being committed by the Mexican federal government and the Army under the cover of the "War on Drugs."

Over the years, I've talked to a lot of people in Mexico from all backgrounds about how they see the violence.  This much is clear: the way many of my friends (and the ones whose instincts I trust the most) talk about this violence is totally different from most portrayals found in U.S. or Mexican or international media. There is a clear sense, a certainty, that Calderón is behind the spiraling numbers of dead. There is a lot of anger against him personally and a complete distrust of any governmental institutions. Some insist that the army and the government itself is behind much of the abuse.  For them, the era of drug dealers killing drug dealers seems to have morphed into a different kind of war - one with a lot more complications and more guilty parties.

Balli's article does an amazing job breaking down the way the Mexican Army and the federal government have tortured and killed their own citizens under the cover of this campaign against drugs. Through diligent, long-term research into the issue, she's been able to piece together a very different story.  A story about disappearances, torture and impunity.  As she makes clear: Just one case of military abuse should be enough to submit Calderón to judgement, or even imprisonment.  But it will take a lot of journalism like this and strong activism to change the story in the media from one about a "Drug War" to one about the state-orchestrated violence and impunity in Mexico.  (There's been some amazing work on impunity in the last year as well. If you haven't seen Presunto Culpable, watch it soon please.)

To be clear: this is not just a war between cartels; it is also a campaign of fear and torture being waged by the Mexican government against its own citizens (with US government support and complicity, of course). But Balli points out a critical difference between this dirty war and previous dirty wars in Mexico or in other countries in Latin America (Chile and Argentina come to mind): its victims are largely not political activists or student protestors. While there is also intense violence directed against activists and journalists along the Northern border, the tens of thousands of dead are mainly working-class and lower-middle class Mexican citizens.  As Balli writes:

Questioned about the violence during the campaign's first days, one general told the press: "I would like to see the journalists change their stories, and when they write that there's been 'one more death,' they'd instead say there's one less criminal."

This is the logic behind this state-orchestrated violence.  Everyone is guilty until proven innocent (which is in fact the law in Mexico) and therefore any tactic (including extra-official murder, torture and disappearances) is acceptable. The violence has its roots in poverty and lack of opportunity and also in the lack of effective legal mechanisms or accountability in Mexico.  As Balli writes about the tens of thousands of people tortured, killed and disappeared:

Because they were nameless citizens on the margins of the country and its conscience, few will rise to defend them or reconstruct their stories.

I'd like to thank Cecilia Balli for doing this hard work to reconstruct the stories of Jaime Alejandro Irigoyen, Benjamín Medina Sanchez and others. She's long been involved in and writing about this borderless & border-filled region between Mexico and the U.S.  I have so much respect for her work, because I know personally how hard it is to sift through all the information. It's been fifteen years since I first started going to Mexico, and a lot of the issues of repression, violence and impunity remain the same.  And the U.S. government and U.S. citizens are complicit in so many ways.

I hope you will take a few minutes to read the article.  Let me know what you think.

Today I am scared. And enraged. 145 bodies have now been found in San Fernando, Tamaulipas in mass graves.

All reports indicate people are being taken off buses between Matamoros and the rest of Tamaulipas by drug cartel members, slaughtered and thrown into mass graves. Hundreds of suitcases are stranded in Matamoros, the belongings of people who didn't make it to their destinations. The worst thing is that none of the bus companies even reported the kidnappings and assaults on their buses. Perhaps unsurprisingly, some reports are saying police officers themselves were partially responsible. Now bus companies are canceling routes. My guess is some companies were covering it up and also distrustful of local authorities and their power to resolve the crimes.

I've seen the "Bienvenidos a San Fernando" sign on many, many occasions. I've personally driven this route or taken buses on this road countless times riding between Houston and Tampico. In fact, buses leave every day to travel this route from my neighborhood in the East End. I don't think I will ever be able to look at this welcome sign in San Fernando again without cringing. I love the land though in this part of the Gulf Coast: flat and full of scrub brush. In the distance, low mountains. An unpretentious, human-sized landscape. And the fact that I and my loved ones have spent so much time on these roads means the violence hits home. It could have been me or a friend or a loved one in those mass graves. But something tells me if it was me with my white skin and U.S. national privileges, there would have been a lot more reporting on my disappearance. The media wouldn't have waited until bodies were found to begin their reporting.

Today, I'm angry and scared and deeply saddened by this news. I just needed to say something in the face of this continuing, daily violence. Even if my words are entirely insufficient to deal with the complexity and horror of this violence.

Last night I went to see artist Ken Gonzales-Day talk at the UC San Diego Art Gallery about his Erased Lynching project. He spoke about his research into the lynchings of Mexican-Americans and other ethnic groups in the Southwest, in California, Texas and along the border. He was able to document hundreds of lynchings and other findings in the book, Lynchings in the West 1830-1935. His artistic project consists of erasing images of lynched bodies but leaving the trees, the audience, the public, the land. The images are haunting and troubling, forcing the viewer to see in an entirely different way, aware of the erasure at the heart of the photo. Gonzales-Day said he didn't want to show to the bodies of lynched people because he wasn't interested either in re-victimizing them or in being known as an artist who exploited images of suffering. Rather, his goal was to make them present in their absence, critiquing the erasure of lynchings in the history of the Southwest.

After listening to him last night and now reading about the San Fernando mass graves, I go back to similar questions. What bodies do we see? Images of the dead in the previous San Fernando mass graves holding 72 Central and South American bodies flooded the media a few months ago. The images of the alleged Zeta perpetrators of the more recent killings are now being circulated.

I have to ask: Which images and bodies are erased? Which are remembered? What do we really see? What do we lose track of? What memories are held in the landscape? What bodies are under the ground beneath our feet, unremembered?